AmyB: Food For Thought

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of AmyB WOE

Hindsight Follow up March 11, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 10:19 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday I found myself second guess how my blog entry yesterday may of come across. I try to not go back and re read or re do because since these are my feelings ….there may not be a right or wrong. But this morning I feel a burden to add a few things to yesterday’s thoughts. My goal yesterday was to cheer all of you on into knowing that YOU are the reason for your success with weight loss. You are the ones doing the hard work.

Yes I lost weight. Yes I was on Kimkins and I spent months on the kimkins board. In no way do I want to take away the good that being there with friends and support helped me get closer to goal. Support is almost as important as the diet plan itself. But there are many sites to get support. Not everyone will fit in or feel at home at all of the sites. You reach out and see where you fit in and you find your Niche ( is that a word?).

I stayed too long at kimkins. I stayed for all the wrong reasons. I THOUGHT I could not do it without Kimmer and her site. I was wrong. I can promise each of you….the site is not the reason we lose weight. It is what YOU do . It is what YOU do or do not commit to. It is really about what YOU put or do not put in your mouth. Yesterday I wanted to get the point across that Kimmer and kimkins is not magical. YOU can be your own magic. YOU each have control. Kimmer did not make me thinner….I did. I found the strength to make some changes and I am still finding that. You can find that also. DO not let anyone ever take the credit for your hard work.

I consider myself a pretty strong person ( well some days). If you had told me that I would beg or promise this or that to be allowed to come back to a site . I would of thought you were crazy. If you had told me I would allow someone to tell me I could not talk about my own hair, or a simple suggestion from my DR about adding some foods back in, who I had lunch with or not…and yes Jimmy Moore still owes me a lunch ….the list goes on and on. No wonder Heidi treated me the way she did…I allowed it. And she enjoyed it. Seeing things more clear now ..out of there..and feeling stronger. I am disappointed that I was more caught up with Kimmer and her site then I was my own self respect. Kimmer did not do that to me….I allowed it. She just enjoyed it.

One last thing…if you are going to depend on someone for your weight loss and sucess…If you still feel like you should…gp back and read the start of this blog. But let’s just say that some of you still put all your hopes into Kimmer and her site. What happens if it goes under or even worse what if Kimmer goes to jail….or as before she just abandons you all again. One thing about Heidi ..she plans everything. For example the last time she left….Plans Plans Plans….

——————————————————————————————————————–

—– Original Message —–
From: Kimmer
Sent: Saturday, September 29, 2007 8:03 PM
Subject: PMs, Kimmer Died, Forums, Breast Cancer

About PMs coming back up — PMs are also passing along anti-Kimmer info I’ll bet. We can have a tech guy review them but to me that’s creepy like reading someone’s diary. Then again so is cyber-stalking. What do you guys think? Unmonitored/Monitored PMs? I think we need to wtach certain member PM’s.

OK Kimmer is dead. She couldn’t take the heat, LOL. I don’t want there to be too many forums especially with having to check for suicide bombers. I’ll check with tech guys for “Kimkins University” which will have some basic Q & A on the front page. Let’s lock “Ask Kimmer”.

Jessicaboston is our latest fatality and posted she was also “manipulated” by Kimmer. That’s too bad, she was nice … for awhile. Oh well. Ha

If you can come up with some plan for forum coverage to check for “fake” nice posts hidden as anti-Kimmer messages that would be great. Amy B seems to be the queen of fake nice.

We need something to take the heat off. Here’s links for Susan Komen & Avon Walk. We will plan for next year. We’ll need to choose a location which is would be easier for other members who want to participate. Unfortunately our most popular state is Texas — home of Becky, Christin, Regandy, Cutie … We have time to figure that out. We want to be a sponsor, but we’ll be walking a fine line between bashing & getting publicity. We’ll talk about that later, too. Wherever you guys need to go for the walks, Kimkins will send you & a guest overnight. 🙂 And Kimmerwear shirts of course!

—————————————————————————————————————–

She bailed once..she will again. Then what? Let’s learn to figure out a way to do this….none of us have to be alone. There are so many sites for weight loss support….find one..reach out..and enjoy the calm. And of course I am just a e-mail away.

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Hindsight… March 10, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 8:56 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Hindsight…

ability to see, after the event, what should have been done.

Wow I bet there are many of us who wish we had more of this. I sure do. I wish I could go back and use this tool in many areas of my life. But reality is such …we do the best we can…make some good choices and some bad ones.

The bad ones ….those are the ones we are reminded of more often. I know for me…I spend so much time wondering if I could of or should of done things different. There are two areas of my life that this is very clear. Philip’s medical issues. My days at Kimkins.

Kimkins ….A place that was suppose to be the miracle fix for me. It was going to make me into the person I THOUGHT I could not be . It was going to fix me. Give me myself back. That person that was lost under layers of fat. It was going to give me hope . It was going to be my miracle. Miracle is such a strong word. Used way too often and not really respected. Miracles are not a everyday happening. And yes I pray daily for a miracle for Philip. So how odd to me to think back and think…I was thinking a web site could offer me a miracle. If miracles were only that easy to find.

In retrospect Kimkins was not all those things. It was a avenue or a tool. It was a reminder that I could do this on my own. The truth is Kimkins did not give me any magical anything. There were no pills. There was no path to finding a life long plan. Shoot…there really was no after you lose the weight plan. There were no Miracle diet. I think most of know..you cut the fat, calories, fat….you lose weight. Now what I did not know is…the effects such a diet can have on a person emotionally, physically and socially.

Now that I have said what Kimkins is not..let me tell you what it was.

It was a place that I forgot how strong I really am. Amy B lost the weight. Not Kimmer. I did not put the food in my mouth. Not kimmer. I would fight back the tears of frustration when all I wanted to do was eat a candy bar while sitting in surgical waiting. Not Kimmer. I was the one figured out what to do when the scale would not move…or on the dreaded days when it moved in the wrong direction. Not Kimmer. When I needed motivation , I would start a thread or a swap etc. Not Kimmer. I could go on and on. But you get the picture. I lost the weight. Not Kimmer. I did the hard work. Not Kimmer. I am responible for going from 223# to 139.3 this morning. Not Kimmer. I am the one who makes it possible to squeeze in a size 6 jeans vs the size 24’s. Not Kimmer.

I do not say all these things to build myself up and put Kimmer down. I am just showing that the hard work, the sacrifices, the battles and the victories are because of what I did and did not do. The truth is Kimmer had little to do with any of it. So with saying this…I have to address what was the hold Kimmer and her group had on me. Be patient…I am still figuring this out and learning. As I do …I plan to share here.

I plan to share here..because I am NOT the only one. For all those ladies who PM’d me and said tell me what to do. Tell me how to be like you. Tell me how does it feel. Here is the answers.

Go in the bathroom. Turn on the light. Open your eyes. Take a GOOD LONG look at you. Do not move your eyes away. Stare at yourself and really think …..Who is in charge of YOU. In this world. WHO is the person that knows you bet. YOU. The answer is YOU. There is not a magical fix. If there was trust me ..everyone would know and be doing it. For example Oprah…she struggles daily. She has more money then we can imagine. IF the Kimkins site was so OMG magical and wonderful and the best way…I think Oprah would have a membership. Of course I know Kimmer says that some starts have done her plan. Ha…yes I believe that . NOT. The reason we as women and people like Oprah struggle so much is..we would rather search for years for some magical fix then do the work it takes. Hard person work.

So for those who asked…look at YOU. I lost my weight because of ME. No weight loss diet or site or person did the hard work. I did. I took some basic tools and some awesome support of ladies on her site and I did the hard work.

Do you know what this means? Here is the BIG OMG news…..If I , Amy B, can do this. So can each one of you who are still there on her board. You can contact me and I will help you BELIEVE that you are going to make it on your own. Away from the drama and the control. Do you know that since I was banned I have gotten back to the 130’s. Many of you know that at Thanksgiving I was 137. On Jan 2 I was 157.4. No matter how hard I tried while at KK I could not get back to the 130’s. I was sure when I got banned I would gain my weight all back. In fact there was a not so supportive PM from my dear Kimmer about wishing I gained my weight back. It did not happen. I am not at Kimmer’s . I am not there in my threads. I have depended myself and guess what…I am lower now then I have been for months while there. See what I am saying? There is no miracle , no special way, no secret…Ok sorry there are many secrets…but none that are helpful for weight loss. YOU and YOU alone are the one who can make it to goal. And when you get there…you can be rid of the baggage that seems to follow way too many banned Kimmer ladies. It is like a nasty film that has to be washed away layer by layer. save yoursef the heartache. Get out and I will hold your hand while on your way out and each day after.

Try my way and see how free and good you can feel. In life things change by the minute. Some for the best, many times not. Sites go down, best friends on threads get busy, forget who we are, have issues they are dealing with, the list goes on and on. Know what is the ONLY thing you really depend on…..YOURSELF. Invest in yourself and find a new way. No it is not easy. I am still finding my way. But I know it is secure unlike the other place.

I got off track today. So let me end with this. Since I titled this Hindsight…let me share one thing I wish I had done different. There are many but here is one to start with.

I was asked to go to NY as a Kimmer success story. I was excited for all of 5 minutes. Then I knew that I would have to sit across from

Christin and Deni. I knew I would have to look at both these ladies and say I did not believe what they were saying. I have the greatest respect for both of them. I could not do that. But also and maybe more important in the big picture. I told Kimmer that I would not be a GOOD person to go because I had medical issues . And if I was asked about my health …it would look bad for kimmer.

I should of gone. I should of told what the issues were. I should of brought my medical records that show my issues and the comments written by the doctors. I would go to the DR , ask for their help. And when they told me what I did not like to hear about my diet. I would get defensive. Looking back now. I should of gone. But I needed to be sitting next to Deni and Christin.

I was not ready. I was not there. I am taking baby steps. But I am depending on ME.

Who knows maybe one day I can sit next them and do what is right.

On 11/5/07, PrincKeric@aol.com <PrincKeric@aol.com > wrote:

amyb would be great. Have you heard back from her about going ? Or that husband and wife team might be good people to contact about doing talk show appearances if needed, since they are all either at goal or close…XXX looks amazing as well.
Kimmer <webmaster@kimkins.com> wrote:

Hmmm, unsure on AmyB since I’m not sure she’s an actual Kimkins supporter. She has some medical concens that may not help our case.

 

suspicions March 1, 2008

suspicions…The act of suspecting something, especially something wrong, on little evidence or without proof.

Amy B is a registered member at the Magic Chicken Diet. So the answer to the question is….yes and that is me.

I had some suspicions about a new group called “Magic Chicken Diet”. I am not sure what lead to me to question this but It nagged at me. In a few PM’s Kimmer had said she had a back up group ready if Kimkins went down. I never doubted this knowing Kimmer.
—– Original Message —–

From: “Kimmer” <questions@kimkins.com>
To: <amyb1569@cfl.rr.com>
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 6:05 PM
Subject: [TS #KPI-190842]: For Kimmer

>I appreciate you being blunt. 🙂 No problem at all, I just don’t want anti-KK postings. It’s not nice when people criticize KK at other places and then come back to KK forums like nothing happened. I have made sure to have a back up site ready. The money has never been important , I do this for all of you.
>
> Enjoy!
>
> K.
>
> Ticket Details
> ===================
> Ticket ID: KPI-190842
> Department: Other Questions
> Priority: Low
> Status: Closed

This is just one PM that Kimmer mentions the idea of a back up place. I even went to being as blunt to ask her if Camp was her site. This PM was a answer to my message to her saying Blunt. I told her I was going to go over to camp and wanted to let her know I was still at kimkins. I also asked her if she had camp set up as a fall back. She ignores what she does not want to answer. I think she wanted me to think maybe TT and she were together. Thinking back , I think she did that often.

After reading on LCF about the Chicken diet I started to think back to the Heidi comments about a back up group. I also looked at a link that LCF had posted where Bonnie’s DH had asked for help setting up the Group. In that he mentioned the site to look like Kimkins. That is odd. I know kimkins is on our minds often but seemed odd with so many web sites out there, he wanted the site to be like her site.

I decided that I wanted to go and take a look around . I had no interest in the chicken diet because I was a kimkins girl. So I contacted Bonnie through a link she had on the web site. I asked her if I could learn more about her diet and maybe if she would tell me more about how her website worked. This e-mail I can not find. At the time I did not really feel there was a need to keep things back then. But basically the e-mail I sent was saying I admired her weight loss . I mentioned I had lost a good amount of weight and was looking for a way to lose the rest of it. I asked her to allow me to look around before I paid to join. I told her money was a issue with some medical bills we had. And I just wanted to make sure the plan was for me before I paid. Bonnie was very sweet and so nice in her e-mail back. She told me to give her a call. Calling Bonnie seemed to be the normal for her with some people. I never called her. It was days before Christmas. With 4 kids and a toddler with a Christmas tree …well I bet you moms know I was busy. I went on with the holidays and going way off plan. ( I just added that because going from 137 to 157 during holidays is worth mentioning for me). One day I decided to contact her again. I can not remember why I did but there may of been something on LCF talking about her. I just decided to contact her. I sent her a e-mail . And once again she was very kind in it.

My reg info e-mail

—– Original Message —–
From: order@magicchickendiet.com
To: amyb1569@cfl.rr.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 4:47 PM
Subject: Confirmation for Registration

Dear Amy
New Member Register
Your Detail are following
User Name : AmyB1569
Password : xxxxx
Thank you for your order for a one time membership fee of 69.95 to Magic Chicken Diet. Your card will be billed under Stoney Creek Candles. Your account will normally be activated within an hour.

( I did not pay any money)

If you have any problems feel free to contact us at 817-279-1515
Thank you,
Bonnie

—– Original Message —–
From: AmyB
To: bonnie@magicchickendiet.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 1:49 PM
Subject: Re: Magic Chicken Diet
.
I am excited to join your group. And I will spread the news when people ask how I finished my weight loss.
I have been yo yoing over the holidays and now it is hard to get back on track.
I would like my user name to be Amy B1569 and pass word to be (xxxx)
If you could send me the link when I am able to go in.
Thank You so much.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/philipbriggs

—– Original Message —–
From: bonnie@magicchickendiet.com
To: amyb1569@cfl.rr.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 12:07 PM
Subject: RE: Magic Chicken Diet
Hello Amy,
I remember you emailing me before Christmas. That is really great that you have lost 89lbs. already! That must have really been difficult to do while going through all you do daily with Philip. I am so sorry he has been having such a difficult time. I pray and know God will continue to wrap his arms around your family and comfort and carry you through this difficult time. If you will accept it I would love to be able to help you to finish your weight loss journey with Magic Chicken Diet at no charge. Please just email me your user name and password you would like to use and I will set you up. Be sure to post your pictures on the site. If you ever have any questions feel free to email me or even call me. I am here to help you any way I can! Remember take 1 day at a time!
Thanks,
Bonnie Luper
bonnie@magicchickendiet.com
817.238.8800

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: default – Contact
From: amyb1569@cfl.rr.com
Date: Tue, January 22, 2008 3:51 pm
To: bonnie@magicchickendiet.com

=======================================================
DEPARTMENT: default
HOSTNAME: 86.126.33.65.cfl.res.rr.com
IP: 65.33.126.86
USER AGENT: Windows Codename: Longhorn Internet Explorer
DETAILS: Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 6.0; FunWebProducts; SLCC1; .NET CLR 2.0.50727; Media Center PC 5.0; .NET CLR 3.0.04506)
REFERER: http://
=======================================================
E-mail::
amyb1569@cfl.rr.com
Question::
I had spoken to you before the holidays about wanting to see if you had a lay away or alternative plan for memberships. I have lost 89 pounds and trying to find a way to get to my goal.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/philipbriggs

I logged in and looked around for maybe 2 minutes and thought …this looks nice and seems to be taking off. And I kind of forgot about it. Until LCF posted that there was some weird thing going on with the Magic Chicken Diet. There seem to be two groups. One was dot com and one was dot net. So I thought it was time to go take a look. I logged in to dot com and was shocked. Where was the group? Every post was scrubbed. There was a zero post for each section. Not like the group back in January that seem to be taking off. This info was taken today.
Joined:
Sun Feb 10, 2008 1:10 pm
Last visited:
Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:22 am
Total posts:
0 | Show your posts
(0.00 posts per day / 0.00% of all posts)
Most active forum:

Most active topic: Then I went to dot net and was confused. I could not figure out what or why or who was doing that group. I think if the dot com group was still active with people I would of assumed the dot net was just someone being mean. I asked for a login info for dot net.

—– Original Message —–

From: “WordPress” <wordpress@magicchickendiet.net>
To: <amyb1569@cfl.rr.com>
Sent: Friday, February 08, 2008 9:32 PM
Subject: [MagicChickenDiet.Net] Your new password

> Username: Amyb1569
> Password: XXXXX
> http://magicchickendiet.net/wp-login.php
>

But it was more then that. So I sent some messages to Bonnie . All of the sudden I started getting a daily PM from someone name Suzy.
Hi!

Sent at: Mon Feb 11, 2008 12:56 am
From: suzy351
To: Amyb1569
Hi Everybody! It’s so great to see you all here! Looking forward to meeting you all! LeighAnn and Bonnie I already know you, sort of, and I wish you all a wonderful week on the Magic Chicken Diet!
happy Tuesday!

Sent at: Tue Feb 12, 2008 2:16 pm
From: suzy351
To: Amyb1569
Hi everybody! Well, today’s Tuesday! And I wanted to just say hi to you all again! Looking forward to meeting you all! Besides LeighAnn and Bonnie of course as we’ve already “met”! DLet’s all cheer each other on and make this a MAGICAL week on the MAGIC Chicken Diet! D

Your friend in weightloss,
Sue
I sent a PM to Suzy asking her if she could tell me where the group went. Never heard from Suzy again. I looked in my PM sent box and it is empty. That is the only PM I sent ever. So not sure why that folder is empty. Not that it matters.
I sent a e-mail to Bonnie and tried to act really confused. That was easy cause I was. Below are the e-mails in full. The one thing I noticed was she was not very nice. Her words sounded nothing like the sweet Bonnie from before. She also seemed to be in attack mode with me. I have no idea why. And the same women who wanted me to post pictures now was mad at me for even suggesting it. Oh I guess I need to explain where the pic came into this. I wrote her the e-mail saying I was ready to add pictures and was confused by the site. So pictures was the topic. Her e-mails reminded me of the Heidi e-mails. She acted like she did not want my pics up. But she was the one in the start that wanted me to post them. Another odd fact. And yes she could just of figured it out but it is a Little odd. I never once mentioned Kimkins at all. So she knew I was on Kimkins.
Original Message —–

From: bonnie@magicchickendiet.com
To: AmyB
Sent: Sunday, February 10, 2008 12:04 PM
Subject: RE: Confusion
Amy,
You have me confused too. I don’t want a picture of you posted before your start date of this diet from another plan. Only when you start this plan not someone elses that would not be honest. You need to give your credit to the Kimkins.com plan. And then a picture of when you are finished. How much weight do you still need to lose? I hope you are going to the right site http://www.magicchickendiet.com.
Have a Great Day!
Bonnie

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Re: Pics and story
From: “AmyB” <amyb1569@cfl.rr.com>
Date: Sun, February 10, 2008 10:22 am
To: <bonnie@magicchickendiet.com>
I was going to add pics of where I started before dieting and where I am now. I do not have that much more to lose to be at 100 pounds total with your plan finishing it off. I will just back off from sending anything for now. The site I visited has no post on it at all. I am just confused.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/philipbriggs

—– Original Message —–
From: bonnie@magicchickendiet.com
To: AmyB
Sent: Sunday, February 10, 2008 11:17 AM
Subject: RE: Pics and story
Amy,
I don’t understand what you are talking about because I went to the site and it is running fine. As far as your pics you are really fast. How much did you lose. The pics are for when our members have completed losing their desired weight and the testimonial is when you have started and been on it a few weeks or a while and you are excited about how you have done so far and you want to share it with other members. Make sure you send it to the correct one. But again the site is up and I never knew it to be down. Best of success to your continued weight loss.
Have a Great Day!
Bonnie Luper

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Pics
From: “AmyB” <amyb1569@cfl.rr.com>
Date: Fri, February 08, 2008 8:40 pm
To: <bonnie@magicchickendiet.com>
Bonnie,
I had my pictures ready to post….but it seems the site is down or been scrubbed. Am I missing something? Then I found another site that I know can not be yours…or is it? I really am not understanding what is going on. But I am ready to jump right in…
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/philipbriggs
Bonnie insist on telling me everything is fine with the group but there is no one there. Once I PM suzy asking her about this…I never heard from her again.
Also I noticed that Bonnie and I joined the same day. But I know she had her site up and running before holidays. Where did she and everyone else go?

# 7 users • Page 1 of 1

RankUsername Posts Joined Site

Adminadmin 0 Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:00 am
Paula30 0 Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:08 am
suzy351 23 Fri Feb 01, 2008 8:07 am
jeni 0 Fri Feb 01, 2008 10:48 am
leighann 1 Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:51 pm
Bonnie 14 Sun Feb 10, 2008 10:36 am

Amyb1569 0 Sun Feb 10, 2008 1:10 pm

This is all I have on the Magic Chicken Diet. The funny thing is ..I do not even know what is on her plan…I guess Chicken..huh?
Hope this answered some questions for those who wondered. Seems to be I got no real information..just more pieces to the puzzle. But I think the puzzle is going to come together soon.
Once againn..my main interest right now is reaching out to KK people. Active, Banned, Lurker KK. I am here and a e-mail away. Amyb1569@cfl.rr.com
My mom wrote me a powerful e-mail about her views of me and being on KK. She did not know I was banned and when she asked I said..Mom I am over talking about it. So my steadfast friend Slick wrote and told her the story. My mom was shocked. So being a mom she had things to say. I think I will post that Sometimes a view from the outside without the hurt feelings is good.

 

Not Being Real February 29, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 1:54 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes I am not sure who I am. Do you ever have days like that? One minute I feel good about the whole KK thing and then the next I feel loss. I think I wanted something from this blog that was to replace the feeling I got from being in KK. Here comes me being blunt and open. At KK ..people liked me and respected me. It was a nice feeling. Do I miss that? Yes I do. Ok I really do.

Here in my blog I find it hard to know how I am suppose to be. If I am one way then it looks good or bad. If I am another then I am this or that. I am Amy B. I have done good and bad things in the whole time at KK. But one thing I know I did is try to be honest.

So my blog is going to change before it even has really started. I am going to TRY to stop worrying about what people do or do not think. I am going to do something much more important. I am going to reach out to KK ladies. Banned ones and active ones. I can help them while I help me.

A new change also is..if I have a e-mail that I still have the original FULL e-mails with all contact info and dates etc..I will post that with full info. If I only have the “meat” of the e-mails then I will post the parts I have with the time period I think it came from. And I will make it clear that it is not a full e-mail. Many times I would copy and paste e-mails from Heidi to different people. With that being said…I can not always assure that I have the FULL mailing info etc. That will be said upfront. BY trying to be complete where I could not be. I made a mistake . Mistakes need to be addressed up front . Because mistakes lead to questions. Questions lead to mistrust. And my life has been filled with worry and mistrust of Heidi for months. So I have fixed any blog entries that do not follow my new complete or noted rule. This was done on purpose. Not to trick anyone or hide anything.

I never want there to be any reason for me to be doubted or not trusted. To be blunt. I had talked with some people on LCF long before being banned. They can vouch for me way before all of this. They have not because during that time period I wanted privacy. With a blog that is over now.

So no more acting one way or another. Things are hard. I am who I am. And in this world people never can please anyone or everyone.

I think I wanted my blog to be good or great . I joke and laugh and tease. Some days I cry and bitch. I am me. And it is just going to be my blog.

Oh and one more thing…I should know better then say what I am going to post and answer. As a mom of a very sick child. Some days I do not even have time for a shower. That is one nice thing about having this blog. It takes me away from that part of my life.

I am working on my answer to the chicken diet ? It will be posted todat. And yes I just broke my first rule . lol

If anyone has any concerns or questions . E-mail me..amyb1569@cfl.rr.com

 

One Thing I AM NOT February 28, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 8:33 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

One thing I am not is weak.  I may feel weak at times.  I may seem weak at times.  But I am not weak.  And I am sure all of this will make me even stronger.  The one thing that stands out in my mind after I hit the publish button is….oh wait there are a few things.  But the main thing is…I sort seem like I am being needy.  The funny thing is…I really do not like when people do that.  In fact when Heidi came back to the group ….she seemed to change.  She was no longer the KNOW IT ALL.  She seemed more real for a short time..like a few minutes.  Ha.  But the one thing that stood out to me is she ACTED needy. And I fell for  it for a day or so.  Then it  just annoyed me.  How could she not know what she should and should not do on HER OWN diet?  How could she really be asking questions about shakes and fast etc.  I thought she was the queen of this.  Then there was the diabetes.  If I read one more post asking some question that my child could answer.  It was a weak try at being needy.  Needy so we would feel for her and help her and FORGET what she had done.  That may of worked for some but not many. So I do not want to come across as that way.  Yes I am hurt.  Yes I am worn down.  Yes I feel embarrassed by how I ALLOWED her to treat me.  But I am not weak and I am not stupid.   So if I came across as needy .  I am sorry.  But for the person who seems to have a certain way about her wording that reminds me of ….well  never mind….but your e-mail with the name calling and the rumors of what people think and are saying.  Take a long look in the mirror.  Yes I have done some things I so wish I could bring back.  But you know I am so blessed.  I have a DH of over 20 years.  I just lost 90 pounds and now can enjoy my role as a mom to my 4 children.  I have never had to even wonder if I had used them for my own bad deeds.  And God has blessed Philip daily.  Speaking of Philip.  Those who pray , please lift Philip up often these next few days.  He is facing another operation next week.  And things with him are not stable right now.

I now am off to get my info gathered for the Big chicken Diet plan info.  Watch for that update.

 

Few more thoughts

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 8:55 am
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I wanted to add a few more thoughts about my “Hard Questions” post before I move on. It was hard to post that last night. I think it made me look weak and desperate. Maybe at that time I was. Maybe the fact she gave me a free membership played a part. Maybe because I SO needed to believe that I could really lose the weight. There are many reasons. But I find this small part of me that THINKS it is because I wanted to like Kimmer ( now known to be Heidi). I wanted to be like her. ( Dear God that thought now makes me cringe). I wanted to be strong and lose the weight and be beautiful . Just like Kimmer pretended she was. Up until the 2/08 banning…even after all the TRUTHS and the MEAN and CRUEL things I have seen her do, directed at me. I think there was a small part of me that liked her. That thought this morning could just be because I am worn down. There are some serious issues going on with my son. So I may not be at my best this week.

One thing Heidi is very good at….she will push you as far as she can and then will send you a PM or a e-mail and play dumb or so nice it makes you want to puke. Or some days it made me want to believe in her.

The idea that in one nasty e-mail she gave me a list of do not do this or else…and two or three days later..she sent a e-mails saying…opps…I had no idea you were banned. And used the pathetic over used excuse that she is not computer savvy and hit the wrong button. Oh Heidi we all know you fondle that ban button daily. It is your control. My mom looked at me when I was crying and upset and said…my gosh it is like a cult. That is a good way to explain my relationship with Heidi.

It is so funny how worried she was about what I said in open post. She knew I had some things going on..My hair…my thryoid…and the VIt D issues. She cared more about me being HUSHED up then she did my medical issues. She even said to NOT mention what my DR said about adding foods back in. So she was well aware I saw a DR. Where was my caring leader.

So yes I begged Heidi. I think I really begged and told her oh please I need Kimkins and maybe I even said her. I bet she loved that. I panicked. I went back. And now I am banned. Goodness it feels good. I feel FREE and lighter then I have in a long time. I may sound bitter. Maybe I am. But this is the story. Would I still be there if she had not banned me? Yes I would. Like I said…I am telling it like it is. Sad but Mad. That should of been the name for my blog…lol

The next question comes from Yust Yucky….

They write.

Would you please explain if you are the Amy B that is a member at the Magic Chicken Diet.

Okay …Let me do some mommy things. Let me pull some e-mails that deal with that. My facts. lol. And today I will answer that question. Anyone interested in that subject?

 

Some answers.

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 1:57 am
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Let’s go back to the orginal question of today. Posted by Prudentia.

One thing I really struggle to understand is why people, knowing all that has been revealed about Heidi Diaz, would continue to support her and/or belong to her website. And you, in particular, Amy, as I’ve seen how rudely she treats you on her fora. Why have you continued to endure her treatment of you?
Great question. And as much as I would love a nice simple answer to this. But there is not one. So here goes the story. And no I am not proud of it.
Back before the WW article came out I had no idea who or what Kimkins was. How things have changed. I had been a Atkins girl and stuck to two Atkins boards. So rarely did I even go out to search the web. I happen to be looking for a recipie one day and the search took me to LCF. I took a minute to look around and saw a Thin lady name Cheryl posted on there and she looked wonderful. So I read a post where she said something about ” so and so ” seems to be following Kimmmer or Kimkins. Well of course I had to know what this Kimkins was. And that is how it all began. I searched Kimkins and there was a whole Kimkins world I had no idea about. How in the world had I missed knowing about this plan. Funny…I never ever thought I would be where I am now…I will never forget the Kimkins now. After searching the Kimkins info I pushed a link and sent a message to the owner. Kimmer. Which I now call Heidi amoung other names. So I wrote to her and told her I was frustarted with Atkins and needed to lose some weight. I also told her I was curious if she would let me divide the payment up. I told her I could send the first payment when I got home from Philip being in the hopsital and then 2 weeks later the second payment. Let me say…that may sound crazy to some. But with 15 brain operations, stroke, ortho and on and on. Me even thinking fo spending money on yet a diet plan…I had to work it out in a plan. So a day or so later…I got a nice e-mail telling me that Kimkins wanted to offer me a free membership to her site. The only thing asked was…please to not tell anyone . I was thrilled. So I logged in and that is how it all started.
So question answered..Yes I had a free membership to Kimkins. Why did she do it? I have no idea. Maybe deep down she has a soft spot. OR maybe more easier to belive…Kimmer needed to feel control over someone. And I made it easy for her most days.
So I joined and all was good. I was a follower. I latched on to some people and stayed in threads with them. The main one was Amy from eating low. She was in the egg thread and I read everything in there. Some days others that were main people there would come in and post. For those who do not know. The Egg White Thread was a very busy and fun thread. I decided I would do EWC and would get ready. I can not count how many times I went to the store to but egg whites ..tons of them. I never ever could eat them. Yuck. But I read and I stayed. I was so excited when the WW post was made. It was exciting . Things seemed perfect for a while and then…..
All Hell Broke lose.
I happen to be away from group for a few weeks. Philip had a brain operation in March 2007 and then a awful brain infection with three back to back operations April 2007. I do not know the excate dates. But during that time period the orginal site went down and so did my orginal journal. While Philip was in the hopsital I tried to explain to Amy AKA Curly that I would jst eat one reag meal a day and that would help me not gain weight while there. No matter how many times she suggested better ideas..I stuck to my plan. And I got 25 pounds stuck back . Darn her being so smart. Ha. So when I was ready to get back on track. I logged back on and started a journal. On 6/16/07 I weighed 192.5. That was the start of the end I think.
I am going to skip over the diet part..and get to the Kimmer hates Amy B part. I bet no one will mind that, huh?
I got banned around Nov 2007. Why? I am not sure. In fact I never know why I seem to be on Heidi’s rador. But I am.
I have a feeling that Kimmer is like a prey. When she sees that someone is feeling weak she swoops in for the kill. I guess that would make her weak. Maybe she needs to do it when people are down to make herself feel in charge and control.
So here is the scoop…..Kimmer wrote me e-mails when I was banned. These e-mails were rude . I have to say when I go back and read them…I feel sick. I did everything but beg her to let me back in. Okay..I even think I begged. There I said it. It is plain crazy how she handled the 2007 banning. The basis of me being allowed in were as followed. I was not allowed to talk about my hair, I was not allowed to mention anything my DR said, I was not allowed adding foods back in..even though I was close to goal and it was time to add back in, I was not allowed to go to lunch with Jimmy Moore OR mention his name OR go to his site. She seem to really have a sore spot for Jimmy Moore. I was not allowed anymore fake niceness. Me???? Fake nice..How could she think that?
Then the most amazing part of this. After taunting me with not re setting my password for days…and answering my e-mails. She sends me a e-mail and says..Oh no …Amy were you banned. I had no idea. I must of hit a button. You know I am so computer NON savy. Yea..sure you are. NOT. Did Kimmer forget I had my e-mail with my list? Did she forget that she said I will let you back in based on this and that. Oh and the most famous line. I gave you a membership…use it the way I say. Ouch.
Original Message —–

From Kimmer
To answer your question, you are banned.
I am done dealing with the issues on the group. I will let you back in group but you will follow what I say.
No more talk about your hair. You have hair so stop talking about it. IT can not be falling out that much.
I do not want any talk about your Dr telling you to add foods back in. That will just make you gain weight . NO talk of vitamins .No medical issues at all.
You do not mention Jimmy Moore on my site. You need to reconsider a lunch meeting. I am very upset that you would consider this after the UTube video he made making fun of Kimkins. Just do not meet him.
Enough of the fake niceness. No one can be that nice. You pop in and out with fake nice post. Stop it. It seems you do this to make me mad.
I gave you a membership, use it wisely. Or Else.
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From Kimmer
Oh I did not know you were banned. How did that happen? I thought you left on your own. I noticed your pictures were gone and I missed seeing them.
I could of hit the wrong button, I am not computer savvy.
I will fix your account now.
————————————————————————————————————————
This is how it all got started.Her control over me. I am still shocked I would allow anyone to ever tell me who I can have lunch with. And the comments about me being fake nice. She deserves a Oscar for that. I look back at that and feel like I am pathetic. What kind of fool was I? She had me where she wanted me. And I went there on my own.

I so thought I needed her. Needed her group . I just let het treat me anyway she wanted and came back. I need some more time to figure out why. I will continue with this topic over next few days.
Please know it is not easy to post these messages. I feel pretty pathetic going back in 2007 after re reading the Can Not Do List.
These types of messages and PM are filled with rants and raves and talk of Brittney Spears Cousin. So watch for those as the days go on.
Tomorrow I will address a qestion from yust yucky…..it could be good So check back.