Have you ever just had a “Ah HA” moment. Lately I have had a bunch. Funny how I tend to listen to everyone but myself. But my new goal is to change that and a bunch of other things. My blog is one of these things. I have found myself backing away from blogging. I did not wake up one say and say okay I am not going to blog for a month or more. But when I would think about blogging I would get this feeling. A yuck feeling in the pit of my gut and would just shove it down and not blog. I have been doing quite a lot of that…shove down my feelings and move on. And do you know what has happened? I am not being real to myself or others. You see…I am who I am. And I think I have allowed others to sway me in what I am doing and saying. Was this on purpose. No. Did I say well if so and so does not like this or that I will not do it? No. But I have had this gut feeling and in being blunt…I am over feeling the way I am feeling. So starting tonight I am going to make some little changes and maybe a few big ones. I think a good place for me is my blog. So here it is. I can not make everyone happy. Nor should I try. But I think maybe I have been trying a little too hard . I am going to work on that. It is my nature to want to be liked by people. And some have used that trait to act a certain way toward me..or heck even bully me. My goal is as of today to back away from those thoughts and focus on what is good for me. Cause it is clear that not everyone has my best interest at heart. I think a great place to start is….Kimkins. Yes I know ..what else can I say about Kimkins. Oh I can say plenty. But for tonight I will focus on those who are still there . The bottom line is. Many of you who are still there are/were friends of mine. One thing you need to know. When you go to Heidi or Singinglass with stories of how I am bothering you in threads or causing you to not lose weight. They use your words to try to hurt me and not help you. Do you really think Heidi or Singinglass care one bit about you? If you do then you are more naive them most. Both these women are hurtful mean people who use who they can to hurt others. Please do not take my word for it. Look around. Think back to a year ago…shoot 6 months ago. Where are the ladies who use to post side by side with you? What about they threads that got so big you would need to re start one every week or two. Now you start one and you are the ONLY ones to post. Where is everyone? Let’s really stop and think about this. Is everyone else wrong about Heidi and Kimkins.con? Can that many people be wrong? Would a judge who is accountable for every action he makes…really be wrong? Would a judge risk his career by freezing Heidi’s assets? Would a judge okay getting depo with singinglass just for kicks? NO. Come on….deep down….real deep…do you think that maybe just maybe Heidi is what everyone else thinks she is? A lying liar that lies? Now let’s focus on the next issue….who I am. I am a women who is not perfect. I never have claimed to be perfect. Far from it. I let myself get all bent out of shape the other day with a stupid comment . This person said I was self centered and I think something about wanting to puke. Ouch Did that upset me…yep. Why? Oh I do not know. Maybe cause we all want people to like us. But you what. That is not going to happen, that is not life. My eyes have been opened lately. There seems to be some thoughts that I am overly emotional? That I whine? That I need my hand held. I Have been accused of trying ruin the Heidi lawsuit? That I talk or whine about my son’s medical issues too much. The list goes on and on. And those comments are the ones that have made me think and re think everything I do and do not do. What I post and what I do not post. And even more sad….who I am. How can I let people who do not know me second guess who I am? That is my bad . But as of today I just do not care as much as I did before. I am not perfect. I never said I was. I try very hard to treat others the way I would want to be treated. I sure as heck do not try to control what others think, say and feel. Oh I am emotional. The day I stop being emotional is the day I become hard. I will take emotional over hard and uncaring any day of the week. Yes I have been known to whine. Like I said I am not perfect. And I DID post a lot about Philip. I rarely post about his issues anymore except at camp. I have said this too many times before. But Philip’s problems are my issues and his blessings are my blessings. I am never going to think it is okay for Heidi Diaz to use my son’s medical condition as a way to hurl her anger with me. I am never going to think it is okay for Singinglass to even mention my son . She has lied so much about what she has said about Philip. As much as she claimed to care about her new nephew. I wonder how she would feel is someone talked so cruel about him? It is plain cruel. I also will never stand by and allow Gary to write a blog accusing me of causing my son’s illness. How dare him even suggest such a gross thing. And you know what else? I resent those who think it is me whining when I bitch about it. Cause most of you would be as livid as I am. So what does all this mean? This means my blog is my blog. If you do not want to hear what I have to say…then do not read it. I am going to re focus my fight to close down KK. I am going to show just how low and sick Heidi Diaz , Singinglass, Gary and a few others are. I am going to dig up everything I can to help with the lawsuit.
I feel like I have grown so much these past few months. I have taken time to reflect why certain people feel the way they do about me. While some have been painful to hear/ read. I think everyone has a right to their feelings and opinions. And I have grown and made some changes based on these opinions. Some of these things I needed to hear…others I did not. LOL. Postive chnage is not always easy but always needed.
I am going to stop worrying about who likes me and does not like me. I am not even sure I like myself too much lately. But I am working on that also.