AmyB: Food For Thought

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of AmyB WOE

Just Be True To Yourself July 22, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 7:39 am

Something has been nagging at me.  Imagine that.  But lately there seems to be many “ex” KK members going back to KK.  This may not be the popular answer but you know what I so understand.  The common thought is “well it works”.  And you know what it does work.  While you do it.  I know many of you are over hearing about getting sick.  We all think we will NOT get sick.  So for the sake of trying to reach out to some of you let’s just leave that oh so true probably gonna happen  alone for now.  What about when you just stop doing the diet?  What about when you get burned out of the KK WOE?  What about when you have vacations? What about when emotions get the best of you?  The holidays?  A party?  The list goes on and on.  The problem I have with the kick fix of Kimkins.con is..WHAT ABOUT…..we all know that quick fixes are just that.  But we do not think past the now.  But guess what…the scale does.   Did I lose quick weight on Kimkins.con?  Yep I sure did.  Many of you have commented on my success and my pictures etc.  Wow I was really excited and proud that I finally had GOT IT DONE.  But little did I know.  It is not real.  Ladies….I fight every single day of my life to keep the weight from stacking back on.  I went off over the holidays and went from 137 to 158 in a snap of the fingers.  After the holidays I went way too low again and no matter how hard I tried I just could not get the weight off again.  I got back to 145 and went off for 2 weeks and bam…up to 159.  Yo Yo equals lot’s of tears and frustrations some days.   So this morning I weighed in 142.5 .  How did I do it? Not Kimkins.con.  I did it a real solid way.  I ate meat, some LC veggies .  I did a true induction Atkins and some days I am adding a little more of this and that.  You know what that is called?  Real eating in the real world. Not over night.  BUt does not come back on over night.   Do I think any of you will listen to me?  Nah.  I would not of listened to me when the scale was moving each day.  That is addicting and I miss it also.  But I do not miss it moving the opposite direction just as fast. I am just putting this out there …think back on it when you get to THAT point.  You know the point.  The one where enough is enough. And as many of you already know…email me anytime   Take a look at your tickers this morning.  If you are back at Kimkins.con or you are re starting the program.  Look at that ticker.  I dare say many of you are re starting because once again you are back or almost back where you started.  YO YO.  It will never stop.  Trust me.  I have been there and done it.  I really do understand.   One last thing…..If you decide to go back to Kimkin.con.  Just stand up tall and do it.  Do not hide it or start a new account or change your name…cause you worry….what are you worried about?  I think Heidi has some of you so primed that you will be attacked or stalked.  I have done that to not one person.  Heck Heidi even accuses me of attacking her front page ladies when they leave.  Not that they have a mind of their own and can listen to some common sense.  And yes Heidi you can screen shot this.  I will keep fighting to bring every KK person and every KK front page girl away from Kimkin.con.  If that is illegal..then sue me.  Cause I will not give up and I would love to explain to a judge that I was trying to save ladies from the clutches of a ACCUSSED FRAUDULANT in my opinion money driven business owner .   So ladies..if you go back to Kimkins.con.  Be careful.  If you decide you want a real way to lose weight.  Then reach out .  We will learn together. It is a learning event…everyday.  But it is REAL. And if you go back. Feel free to use your real info.  The worse that is going to happen from me is a How ya doing e-mail, or we miss you email…or maybe a good luck e-mail.  Never a threat or a stalking anything.  That is all made up in someone mixed up head or after a long Captain Morgan Night.   Good Luck Ladies.  I know you can all do it.  We all can.


A offer to SingingLass July 20, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 4:56 pm

Singinglass…I think I have figured you out.  You are stuck in a time warp of when you were heavy.  You have lost some weight.  A lot of weight, good for you. YOU can now wear some cute clothes.  WE can do something with your hair hair .  And for goodness sakes.  I would love to be able to figure out when you are dressed for theater or just casual.  It is time to break out of that freaky mold and be the women Heidi Diaz does not want you to be.  And….you may be asking yourself why does she not want you to pull yourself together?  Cause Heidi is all used up.  You my friend ( okay not my friend..that is a joke) you  have some hope.  With lot’s of work…you can be what Heidi dreams of being. She is used up and gone down a bad bad road that is a dead end.

Now Singinglass has REFEREED to some people stalking her in the past on her journal.  That is a VERY serious accusation.  I wonder if there was a police report taken.  If so I wonder if it was filed with the MR I lose the report policeman. Then we have the charge that she had life threatening phone calls.  Now this also is a very serious charge.  Once again she claims to of filed a police report…and I suspect it is with the very same Mr I lose that report also policeman. Now we move on to the harassment and bullying that I ( Amy B ) am causing her.  She has screen shots and has sent them to the correct authorities.  I so hope it is not the same MR I lose all SL reports Policeman. 

Please..let’s stop using these words so lightly.  If you are really being stalked or phone threats or bullied..then by all means please contact a different police station to get some help.  If not then stop calling wolf.

Now am I scared of the screen shots.  Heck no.  I did say that if she spoke one more time about my son I would send a package to her directors showing where she works and her national TV tapes. Now SL herself says her directors know about her weight loss.  Wonderful.  And she says that if I sent them her tape of her on national TV then THEY would along with her report me for harassment.  Ummm…SL…break open that legal book you had the other day.  I can mail what I want to who I want when I want.  And while that tape might be plain ugly and a gross display of you lying your round little cute head off…It is not something anyone would care two sec about.  Including the Mr I keep losing the police report policeman.

NO wonder you are in theratics…you are the drama queen from Hewl.

OH and How sweet that you good friend swalt has some sweet words of encouragement for you.  Two peas in a pod.  Now swalt …YOur comment …Some people out there in our  world that are “not right”, some who do not have the bright future that you have or the motivation that you have.  they are all cut out of the same mold. ( edited as to not copy and paste).  Are you suggesting that SOME of us do not have as bright of a future as SL and we are just NOT right?  Cause I may not be right.  But you are right…no matter how hard I try I will never be able to work for a ACCUSED fraud 300 pound diet web site owner for the day and a online physic reader by night.  That my friend is something to really strive for.   Like Heidi tells you daily.  I am so envious of you I can not sleep at night….NOT.

One last thing..NO SL…not everyone who pisses me off gets accused of talking smack about my children.  JUST YOU and HEIDI DIAZ and GARY.  You three are special.  Just you three.   And you know what.  Instead of letting it go you keep mentioning him in your journal daily lately.  Are you obsessed?  Let it go.  Take some time and visit that sweet nephew of yours and enjoy him.  Leave other people’s children alone. Back away from the children… they have done nothing to you SL.

Now…feel free to screen shot what you want.  Cause it goes both ways…

I will say you do look great.  Keep up the weight loss and I bet you might end up with someone paying more attention to you…real soon. DO you need some pointers with some cute clothes or a new hair style.  Maybe something more up to date.  Something to show your curves.  Now that would mean standing up straight and having a real picture taken.  Wouldn’t that be nice…to be out of Heidi’s clutches…aaahhhh….


Drama Queens.. July 18, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 12:20 pm


Now Because some people have made a point of reporting me to the blog authority I will need to be more careful with what I put on here.  Well not what I put on here but how I put things on here.  Meaning according to the blog authority’s I can reference what I have to say but I can not copy and paste.  Oh that is easy enough.  No problem.

In fact I spent quite some time today e-mailing with the wordpress about what is going on and why.  I think my blog will be fine now. 

Now It has been pointed out that SOME people are in a dramatic mood and are quoting legal crap.  A suggestion would be…give up your day job and your night job…give up the fake free Kimkins.con supporting a ACCUSED fraudulent leader ( see that legal talk) and also the physic business and go to law school.  I think maybe SOME people MIGHT do really well with that.  Don’t they say most lawyers are filled with …Oh sorry John…not you. We all love ya John.  Oops…Nope not all of us.  I know two who do not, but then again…those who have things to hide should be scared of you. 

Now On to the idea that I may of harassed or threated someone. Well I did say that if someone talked about my son again I would make sure that a someone’s boss might see  a great tape of a wonderful example of someone able to stretch the truth in lot;s of direction.  I thought it would be a great audition tape.  Nah…really I was mad and thought that I would make some silly comment about letting some people know who might work for who.  Whatever.  Thinking back on was not so smart.  I took it down.  Yes they got screen shoot..they POSTED they have screen shoots and Oh no I am shaking..NOT. I could care less.  Sue ME.  Ha…See the difference is..I came back and thought better of it and took it down.  And if I was ever asked by a judge…I would explain in great detail..why I was so upset . I am not too worried about it. Hey In fact Maybe I could have Philip explain how it feels to have some NON maternal  person talk smack about him.  That would take care of the problem.

Now…see to me a threat is something serious.  I mean simply saying you would send something to someone that was 100% the truth and that they could easily know about because a someone LOVES the attention of being on national TV.  Is that a threat?  Shoot.  That is a nothing. Know what comes in my head…that song..Everybody makes mistakes….say it real fast like three times…it is a hannah montana song…Oh well…

Why do YOU have to be so dramatic and say you were threatened?  I mean come on.  How many times in your life have YOU been threatened?  Stalked? Bullied?  If there is a pattern , then maybe you could be the cause or it is wishful thinging in that round head of yours.  Maybe some people  should not call wolf cause one day soon people will just roll there eyes and laugh.  Oh sorry that is now.  Too late with that advice. Everyone is laughing and rolling their eyes.

Here is some advice.  Screen shoot this blog entry too.

So from now on my blog will be filled with words like SOMEONE and YOU and COULD and MAYBE and ACCUSED and well you know.


SL Sorry You Feel Scared…It is Okay. July 16, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 10:52 am

After taking some time to think and talking to a certain someone on the phone…I guess maybe I need to go back and re address how I said some things in my last blog. Hint..I am smart enough to take the advice and do a Just in case CYA blog post.  Now I would just edit my last blog but we all know that Heidi and her crew have screen shots to show whoever they think would care.  So I will just do a new page…cause..well it is my blog and I can. Ha It was thought that maybe I went a tad too far saying I would send anything to the directors.  Maybe deep down I thought it would help her career.  You know…acting …ok that is a lie and we all know it. So for now…no directors.  From me anyhow. I have no control over anyone else.    In no way did I threaten Singinglass.  In no way did I say I would ruin her career.  In no way did I bully her or say I would cause her bodily harm.  Umm….hummmmm….never mind.  Okay I think that cover the crazy rumors out there.  Oh and trust me Singinglass…you can lose another 75 pounds and I will NEVER EVER be jealous of you for one sec of my life.  Please do not let Heidi feed you that over used lie.  I can not belive you were scared  about my last blog post .  Come on Singinglass …can you not take a joke?  You work for that is a joke in itself.   I said I would send something to the directors letting them see what you do for your day job.  I would let them see how well you did acting on TV.  Trying to act like you were being truthful.  Now minded I hope that was not your best performance but still it is some proof you can lie…I mean act.  Now…something else pops in my head. Why would this be a issue?  You are not ashamed of being a admin at KK are you? Of course not?  You went on national TV, so everyone could see you.  See You are already famous.    Are you proud of working for Kimkins.con? Simple question.  If so then who cares who knows what? What are you ashamed of?  Seems like you may be seeing the light…huh?   So let’s get something clear.  I know you love attention.  I know you were feeling non important so you had to start the oh poor me they pick on me in your journal.  And of course being the adult you are you had to bring up my son once again.  Will you ever learn?


The Lady Bug and the Net July 14, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 5:48 pm

This was written by a person I have great respect for.  This lady has been fighting a inner battle like many of us to do the right things.  Our heart and heads do not match up and that leads to a inner fight.  This story explains it better then I ever could.  Thank you my friend for letting me share it in my blog .  You are doing great.  It is one day at a time.  We can and will do it.


The Lady Bug and the Net

Today, I set out to clean our small, above ground swimming pool. Our neighbors tree hangs over the pool and constantly sheds its leaves in it. So, I spend a lot of time with my blue pool net scooping up leaves from the water. I know its crazy but I find it one of the more relaxing chores. My five year old son swims around busily playing while Mom does leaf duty.

As I was gathering some of the leaves off the top of the water, a round red lady bug dropped into the water right in front of me. Now, insect bodies litter the pool everyday. They come in close to get a sip of water, and before you know it they are in the water and drowning. The lady bugs legs swam furiously she tried in vain to get out of the water, it was inevitable that she would be dead in a few moments. Sad to see such a thing I caught her up in my net amongst the leaves. Then I went over to the side of the pool to empty the net out on to the lawn… and set the lady bug free from her near doom.

I turned the net inside out and shook the leaves from inside. But, when I pulled the net back up to begin all over what did I see? You guessed it… The Lady Bug. She was clinging to the net with all her strength.  I turned the net over again, and shook it a little harder. Yet the Little Lady held on tight. I thought to myself, Why on earth does she hang on so tight to this darned net? It is the very thing that is going to kill her when I put it back in the water. She will be trapped by this net and will drown amongst the leaves. Yet she is hanging on to this net for dear life rather than escape to the safety of the lawn.

Obviously the dear bug was confused. She was drowning, yet in her mind the pool net represented safety. She perceived that it saved her from the water. Only it wasn’t the net.. it was me. So, I gently reached into the net and pried the Lady’s legs from the net and dropped her to the safety of the grass.

It got me thinking about that instinct that caused the lady bug to cling to the thing that was so very bad for her.
Is it so different to the dangers we humans can face when we cling to something we perceive is good for us, when in reality it is very bad?

Case in Point: The KK Diet. Many of us were struggling in our lives….in the challenge to reclaim our health, and to gain control of our weight. For some of us the feelings of discouragement and hopelessness became like the water.. we were drowning in it. Then miraculously it felt as though we were scooped up out of our hopelessness by the KK Net. We felt empowered and safe and for a time. We got the results we were looking for, and made friends along the way.  We felt safe. Safe within the KK Net, and with our friends that were there with us. The very thing we began to cling to, “the net” was the very thing that would eventually cause us great harm.

There were some that tried to shake us free from the net… but, we held on to our perceived safety net. Terrified that leaving it would mean the death of our successful weight loss. Eventually some of us woke up to the danger the net posed, we quit clinging to it and found freedom outside the net. Some of us have even begun to understand that just as my pool net really did not save the ladybug, neither was the KK Net responsible for the success in our weight loss. I saved the bug, the net was just a tool that I used. KK was a tool. Each one of us did the work necessary to lose the weight. We made the commitment. We were determined. We chose what we would eat and would not eat. We formed friendships and met challenges. There were many other tools I could have used to save the lady bug. I could have used my hand, or one of the leaves floating to lift him out to safety. The result would have been the same.  Just as we have many other tools available to lift ourselves out of the water of discouragement. We do not need to cling to the net anymore. We finally realize the very thing we thought was a safety net was a snare.

One last thought… I had to be careful to be quite gentle with the Lady Bug as I pried it from the net. If I had not,then I would have injured her, or maybe even killed her myself. I would have defeated my own purpose of setting her free.


Eye Opening…and Hard to Share. July 10, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 10:50 pm

This week I knew  the topic I wanted to blog about.    But something happen that  Changed my mind.   I went back looking into my KK journal for some fact finding…I was blown away.  ….I saw a person I do not even recognize  .  Something else I am reminded of reading my journal…there is a group of ladies at Kimkins.con that could be that lady  in the journal a year ago. I have to admit I am a little embarrassed by some of my thoughts a year ago.  But I know there are others who can relate to my struggles . When I first started reading my journal today I thought I must of been in a slump.  But as each day turned into weeks and then months….I saw a side of me that was sad and desperate .  I also saw a person that was showing major signs of a eating disorder.  Wow that was hard to say.  But then again my journal screams desperation . I see that same desperation in many of the ladies who are still there. Heidi…where were you and were are you now?  Do you think you owe the ladies at your site any guidance? In my journal I talked daily about my weight.  If it was up or down a ounce I would have a major issue. I would post on and on about what I would do to find the magical fix for my weight loss.  I sat up goals that were impossible to meet.  I talked about taking a few bites of something and then fixing it by not eating all day.  I talked about goals of losing 20 pounds in 2 weeks.  And then when I would crash and not lose the weight I would get all down and binge. I think one of the saddest things for me to read was myself bragging about sticking to my cabbage and shrimp daily meal. I can remember Heidi PM’ing me telling me what a great menu idea. But to be careful if I was using soy sauce because it could cause the scale to go up due to the salt.   It was crystal clear that was all I was eating. So tonight I spent some time at fitday to see excatly how much I was or maybe I should say was not eating. Food Name Servings Serving Size Cals Fat Carb Prot
  Cabbage, savoy, raw      cup, shredded  19 0 4 1
  Shrimp, steamed or boiled      cup, cookedoz, with shell, raw (yield after coo…oz, without shell, cookedoz, without shell, raw (yield after …jumbo shrimp (shelled)large shrimp (shelled)medium shrimp (shelled)prawnsmall shrimp (shelled)tiny shrimp (“popcorn”)Quantity not specified  201 3 2 38
Totals  219  3 6 40 I was shocked…219 calories..I am embrassed to admit that some days that is all I would eat.  I even mentioned the special tea.  Now let me add that I am a adult.  I also know that as a adult I am responsible for my actions including what I eat.  BUt I would like to think that maybe someone could of said..Hey Amy …let’s talk about what you are doing.  I also think back to how Heidi’s big concern was the soy sauce. It is great that finally there is some talk about eating more.  BUt my goodness look at what it took.  And I have no doubt there is still the plan behind the plan.   So I am going to add my journal entries from a year ago.  Notice the desperation.  NOtice me screaming that I am not eating much and even that I will join boot camp.  I wonder how much lower I THOUGHT I could go to lose. Did I not know what I was doing?  Did I just not care?  Those are questions I need to think about. I also will focus on this more in a different blog entry.  But I can promise you…the KK plan may take the weight off fast.  It comes back fast.  It sucks.  Simple as that.  If anyone reads my journal entries and sees some of them in there..know that there are people you can talk to…I am a e-mail away..always.  

AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year, 1 Month ago  
I decided on a new name for my new journal. I did not get a chance while Philip was in the hospital to forward my old journal over to the new site. After some thought I decided maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I need to start over, fresh and REAL this time. The new name of my journal is my goal, to find the real me. I seem to be in a stage of feeling lost. I know a lot of my feelings come from my son’s illness. But there are so many reason for me feeling like this. I need to figure out what it is that I am looking for. Yes I need to lose weight. I have known that for a LONG time. But deep down there seems to be something that stops me each time. I come so far and then find a reason to gain it back. If I were to be honest I would need to say that I have lost my way. So maybe a new journal and a new start trying to lose my weight and find myself is a good thing.
So let me introduce myself. I am Amy B, 39 and blessed mom to 4 kids, Philip 17, Reed 14, Emily 10 and Cole 2.
I have lost and gained the same weight for years now. I can never seem to allow myself to get to my mini goal of 159 then down to my original goal of 135. I spent some time out of town in the hospital with my son and fell hard back to my carb ways. I went in with weighing 170ish and came home weighing 192.5. I am shocked and hurt that I allowed myself to fall backwards like that. I now realize today I can make a decision..just start again or keep gaining. I decided to start back on plan. But I need to find a different way to stay dedicated because right now I feel weak and tired . I guess the other side of me says..if I wait till I am jazzed up and woo hoo ready I may never start back. So maybe getting real is the way to do it. Real with my feelings, hurts and fears.
So here I am…I need support and am ready to give support.  

Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Well today was a good scale day…I am 177.5 today. It felt good to see the numbers lower today.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Well this mornings weigh in was 1/2 weight loss. I know not everyday will be a BIG weight loss..but I like it better when the number goes down by a whole number. There is always tomorrow.
I need to go today to get some of my special tea. It works perfect for me in the bathroom and maybe that could also help the scale tomorrow.
I know I have said this before. But I just really need to get to my first mini goal of 159.9. I have tried for years and never get back there. I wonder how long it will take me to get there and then down to 135. I would love to be at a pound a day but do not want to set myself up for failure in my mind. I was 177 today. So I have 18 pounds till my first mini goal. Think I can do it in 3 weeks from today?


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Tonight I had a moment at the store. As I stood there getting my sliced fat free meat. I watched a few think girls order different things. They got fried chicken and subs and on and on. As I stood there I had a mix of emotions. I was jelous and a little mad . I was too tierd tonight. I had a bad emotional day with Philip’s medical issues and I needed something. That something in the past would of been something that those girls were eating. I know that everyone can not eat alike. But tonight I wished I was one of those that could eat that and look like them. I know when I get to goal I will need to not go back to those habits or I will be starting over again..once again.
I also realised tonight that something is lacking in me. For years I could take a few diet pills, or do a crash diet and lose the weight. That is clearly not the case. I have tried to lose weight for three years plus. The same pounds. I lose and re gain and lose again. I never get to the 150’s. I want it so bad but deep down I think I have gotten the idea I just can not get to the 150’s. I have lost my confidence in myself. That is not a good thing. I think I said this before…but I have not found that…woo hoo..I can do this feeling. I have had that in the past and still failed too many times to count., So I just fake it until I make it.
Tonight I feel down about things. I am surprised ay how angry I was tonight as I watched the girls eat. I wanted them to be fat also…I know that is bad…but I am honest in my journal.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Well…I was not so angry with them. But angry with myself that I can not eat like them and look like them. I would like to say..oh I know it is unhealthy ect. But truth is…I miss sme of those foods a lot. One issue I am having is the switch from Atkins to Kimkins. I miss the fat in the dressings ect. I know it will take some time to get use to the switch. But I still miss the fuller fat foods…lol. But hey..I do not miss the STALL…
Things with my son are still really hard. There seems to be no end in the near future so I either decide to just keep eating and get too heavy to care for him or myself…Or to find a way to deal with the emotions and not eat. That has been pretty hard. I have always used food…when I am happy, sad, worried, excited, boerd and well when I breathe…haha. For those of you who asked or PM about my son, his caringbridge site in linked on the bottom of my siggy. He is one brave kid.
So today I have been more hungry. Not sure why. I guess there will be days like that. I have tried to not pick at even legal foods. They add up. I ate two pieces of celery today. I swear the crunch helped.
Tomorrw starts my bad weekend time. Last weekend I Had a slip with one meal. NO NO NO not this weekend. I need to remember that if I want to get to mini goal…there is no room for even a taste here or there. Remind me of that every Friday


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Ok..I sent my e-mail..Thank You so much.

Well I swear things are not going so great. I now have gained back up to 180. What in the world is going on. I feel really puffy today, swollen. I am going to really get back to the bear basics today and get back on track. I wiil NOT let this get me off plan. Although..the weekends are hard for it could not happen at a worse time. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new weigh in day….huh?

Edited: I am not so worried I did a ketosis stick and it is a nice med pink…


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
So I am thinking about doing boot camp….is anyone else doing it?


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Had a off weekend. I need to tell myself my own pep talk. Back hard core today and excited to get on track. I may even fast for two days…


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
I am having a really hard time getting back in track today. I have done okay but I swear I am craving all kinds of things and feeling very weak. I guess for some weird reason I feel defeated by my slip up this weekend. Dang weekends are a mess for me. I need to really be on target for this weekend. I can not feel too great about always going back and forth with my weight gain.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
I am off to read all about boot camp. I might join today. Anyone else thinking of joining?


E:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Okay today I am up to 175 but I am not too upset about it. I ate more atkins yesterday then kimkins. For me it is a legal cheat. But also I know I can do it maybe one day month because anything that is leagal can become a bad habit. It is too funny that atkins is what I consider a cheat now. So I am off to a great start today. Thinking about my over all goals and how to reach them.
Today is a hard day for me. I will be traveling to the out of town hospital with my son and travel and hopsital equal failure for me in past. I get so stressed and I always eat . Today I will need to be very careful and think with my head and not my emotions.
Hope the scale is back to 174 or lower tomorrow.

Edited to add from boot camp:
Today is a test. It is a test to see if I can win or my emotions will win. I weighed 175 today. I am not too upset with that because I made a decission to go more Atkins yesterday and ate a little extra then I would normaly. But can you belive it. A few extras bites and I gained a pound. I have a feeling I will be back down tomorrow.
Here is my issue today: today we go out of town to the hospital for my son. Travel and hospital is a big trigger for me. Stress and emotinal eating are a big issue for me. Remember I gained 25 pounds in a matter of 3 weeks.
Today is my day to decide what is more important. I hope I am.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 1 Year ago  
Well ladies..I tried and I did not do great. But yesterday was a very hard day for me as a mom and a bad day for Philip as my son. I fell back on food and then came home sick as a dog. I threw up after hours of feeling sick and spent all night in the bathroom. I also had Cole banging on the door saying…all right mommy? Mommy…ya right? Sounds cute…but after a few minutes I was thinking..OMG carbs are posion to me…So I get up after no sleep and weigh and I am down a pound and a half. I swear I might never eat a carb again. Lol
My nerves were shot and my stomache hurt almost like I ate something bad. But yesterday was one day in my life and today I am back on track.
I am upset that I did not handle my emotions without food yesterday. But I still have issues to deal with today and I am on plan.
ON plan and weak from being sick all night….lol. That was a lesson taught.
Please wish me luck today. Philip is having some painful serious issues with his right side ( arm and hand) if you remember he had 6 operations on it from Dec 19th to Feb 1st. Something is going on and after two nights of his waking me up in pain ..we are calling the Dr today. This is the side that the stroke caused issues.
Thanks for the support yesterday Fawn . As always it means so much to me.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 12 Months ago  
I seem to be having a hard time staying on track. Well no that is not really what I mean…yesterday I had more carbs then I would normally have. But as I have said a million times before I have such a hard time dealing with hopsital out of town days…I am such a emotional eater, I hope that I can learn to not be that way in the near future.
One thing that has so changed for me with this plan is…even if I add a few carbs..I get back on track right away. Same day next meal. I never ever did that with Atkins. One cheat sent me in a week long or longer cheat, So maybe my self control is getting better.
So this morning I was up 1/2 a pound. I hope tomorrow is a better scale day. It is what it is, huh? Be sure to remind me of this if the scale goes up again tomorrow.
I so want to be at 169 by next Monday offical weigh in. One day , One pound at a time. Right?
I found a new easy dish that I am kind of hooked on. I take a bag of shredded cabbage and some mushrooms and either chicken or shrimp and stir fry it is pretty good.
I know for me to get to goal…I need to stay out of restraunts…It is just a trigger for me.
I will be making the rounds tonight in journals. Hope everyone is doing great today.  

Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 12 Months ago  
This is my third time trying to post. It keeps getting erased. So one more time. I will try.
Last night I had some time to really think about things. Philip was in the Er till 4 am . During this time I just really thought about my weight issues and goals. I really spent some time thinking of what it will be like to get to goal. I guess I know I need to set goals for myself that include a basic time period. I notice that if I just say I am working towards a goal with no time period. I seem to not do as
Well. But I made the decission that I wanted to get to 169.999 by Monday. Since I made that decission I have been thinking about it quite a bit.. I think the thinking about it makes me want it more and stay on plan even better. I think knowing there is a “due date’ with the scale..makes me want it even more.
So last night while I was thinking about things..I realised that I do not give myself credit for the 50 pounds lost. I think it took so long it makes me forget I lost it. It was my fault due to losing and re gaining the same weight.
But I let myself really thinking about getting togoal. What it would be like to be thin again. What it will be like to see people’s faces. I think I have been dieting for so long it has become a joke to some people. But when I get to goal …the joke will be over. How is that for a thought. I really do not think I look like I lost 50 pounds..because I went back and forth so much with it.
So from now on..I have mini goals and a time to met them. I know I may not always get to that goal on that day. BUt with a goal and a time to get there..I know I will work harder.
My mini goal is 169.9 by Monday……I have NOT been in the 160’s for this whole diet thing…..I so hope I make it.  

Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 12 Months ago  
Today I weigh 171.0. Just a reminded that my mini goal is 169 by Monday. Now one thing I have to really keep in mind. I always seem to get to a weight zone ending in 9.999 and then instead of keeping going lower I creep back up to the higer weight zone. Meaning if I am not careful I will end up at 169.999 and then at 170 and higher next week. So after my mini goal I will work even harder to go down down down.
Sonedays it seems so close and then some days it seems like I will never get there.
K1820…you said something about my panties…that reminded me of how hard it was to take my 40 pound award down. I cried and felt like I would never get back on track. I needed a 30 pound weight gain siggy for back then…yuck.
Going to make my cabbage and meat stir fry tonight….My new fav food….yummy.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 12 Months ago  
I was 170.5 this morning…my mini goal is 169.9..I should of shaved my whole body and got my hair cut and ….lol. I am kidding. I had said that my mini goal was be 169.9999 by Monday morning…so one more weigh in. If not..then look how close I have gotten. My new mini goal is to be 159.999 by end of next boot camp. I have never been 159 in this whole WOE for years and years of dieting and atkins and now. So first to 169.9999 then to 159.999. Think I can lose 10 pounds in two weeks?

Off to back later.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 11 Months, 3 Weeks ago  
This is my third time trying to post this. I get done and I click post and wham it is gone.
I feel so dissipointed in myself. I had a slip. If I were to be more blunt…I cheated. Philip is in the hospital and we all know from my past post I am a emotional eater. For thoe of you who read his web page, I uodated it. If you visit it please sign the guestbook so I know you came by.
So back to the cheat. I swear. I am my own worse enemy. I have to have to HAVE to figure out a better plan to deal with my stress with Philip’s medical issues.
Let me go before the hopsital Internet boots me again.
I am back hard core on plan but really sad I messed up once again.   Thank you so much for the great support. I knew what I was doing when I ate the food. That is what really bugs me. I cared more about the food and the comfort then ME. That is a bold issue I need to deal with. I felt awful as I got on the scale today . It said pound away from the 170’s. And of course today I am hungry as can be. But today I will be back on plan and hope I can get back to my original Sunday weigh in of 167 by Tuesday. Maybe even tomorrow.
I had thought I would just not eat today. BUT since I am so hungry that could set me up for failure. So I think I will jump back into just some lean protein. If I do not eat something I COULD end up with a cheat ..another cheat.
I am waiting to hear from the Dr.’s this morning. I hope we can try to hold off on anything with Philip. Of course he still has the cyst in his brain stem. I wish the cyst would just go away. Wouldn’t that be wonderful. Not likely but I can hope.
My Dh will be back to work one day this week. We are waiting on his biopsy results but for now it looks like peptic ulcer ..It has been a rough two weeks for him.
I am a work in progress today. With my emotions and my cravings and well some guilt.  

Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 11 Months, 3 Weeks ago  
Ok..did not do perfect today but I have done lot’s worse in past. I had two pieces of deli ham and a few spoons of mac and cheese. I know that I should not of done that. I feel stronger today them yesterday. But I think I made a big mistake of trying to not eat today and got to hungry. But tonight I am not eating anything else. I feel yuck and once again upset with myself. I told myself I would just not weigh tomorrow . But I WILL weigh because the bottom line is..I need to be reminded of what a spoonful of this and that can cause.a bad bad bad day at the scale.


Re:AmyB….Finding the Real Me 11 Months ago e  
Okay…I am back. I have been in a funk lately . I could make excuses but I will not. I just decided that after days of telling myself to get back to I would do it. To be truthful…I was not sure if anyone would know I was gone or remember But here I am.
I did stray a little. I got up to 175 but this morning I was 167.5..not too bad, huh? I feel back on track and ready to get to my mini goal of 159.9
In fact I have a big goal push..anyone want to hold me accountable. I would love to lose twenty pounds in 3 weeks.

Working On Some Changes July 6, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 9:43 pm

Have you ever just had a “Ah HA” moment.  Lately I have had a bunch. Funny how I tend to listen to everyone but myself.  But my new goal is to change that and a bunch of other things.  My blog is one of these things. I have found myself backing away from blogging.  I did not wake up one say and say okay I am not going to blog for a month or more.  But when I would think about blogging I would get this feeling.  A yuck feeling in the pit of my gut and would just shove it down and not blog.  I have been doing quite a lot of that…shove down my feelings and move on.  And do you know what has happened?  I am not being real to myself or others.  You see…I am who I am.  And I think I have allowed others to sway me in what I am doing and saying.  Was this on purpose.  No.  Did I say well if so and so does not like this or that I will not do it?  No.  But I have had this gut feeling and in being blunt…I am over feeling the way I am feeling.  So starting tonight I am going to make some little changes and maybe a few big ones.  I think a good place for me is my blog.  So here it is. I can not make everyone happy.  Nor should I try.  But I think maybe I have been trying a little too hard . I am going to work on that.  It is my nature to want to be liked by people.  And some have used that trait to act a certain way toward me..or heck even bully me.  My goal is as of today to back away from those thoughts and focus on what is good for me.  Cause it is clear that not everyone has my best interest at heart.  I think a great place to start is….Kimkins.  Yes I know ..what else can I say about Kimkins.  Oh I can say plenty.  But for tonight I will focus on those who are still there .  The bottom line is.  Many of you who are still there are/were friends of mine.  One thing you need to know.  When you go to Heidi or Singinglass with stories of how I am bothering you in threads or causing you to not lose weight.  They use your words to try to hurt me and not help you.  Do you really think Heidi or Singinglass care one bit about you?  If you do then you are more naive them most.  Both these women are hurtful mean people who use who they can to hurt others. Please do not take my word for it.  Look around.  Think back to a year ago…shoot 6 months ago.  Where are the ladies who use to post side by side with you?  What about they threads that got so big you would need to re start one every week or two.  Now you start one and you are the ONLY ones to post.  Where is everyone?  Let’s really stop and think about this.  Is everyone else wrong about Heidi and Kimkins.con?  Can that many people be wrong?  Would a judge who is accountable for every action he makes…really be wrong?  Would a judge risk his career by freezing Heidi’s assets?  Would a judge okay getting depo with singinglass just for kicks?  NO.  Come on….deep down….real deep…do you think that maybe just maybe Heidi is what everyone else thinks she is?  A lying liar that lies?  Now let’s focus on the next issue….who I am.  I am a women who is not perfect.  I never have claimed to be perfect.  Far from it.  I let myself get all bent out of shape the other day with a stupid comment .  This person said I was self centered and I think something about wanting to puke.  Ouch  Did that upset me…yep.  Why?  Oh I do not know.  Maybe cause we all want people to like us.  But you what.  That is not going to happen, that is not life.  My eyes have been opened lately.  There seems to be some thoughts that I am overly emotional?    That I whine?   That I need my hand held.  I Have been accused of trying  ruin the Heidi lawsuit?  That I talk or whine about my son’s medical issues too much.  The list goes on and on. And those comments are the ones that have made me think and re think everything I do and do not do.  What I post and what I do not post.  And even more sad….who I am. How can I let people who do not know me second guess who I am?  That is my bad .  But as of today I just do not care as much as I did before.  I am not perfect.  I never said I was.  I try very hard to treat others the way I would want to be treated.  I sure as heck do not try to control what others think, say and feel.  Oh I am emotional.  The day I stop being emotional is the day I become hard.  I will take emotional over hard and uncaring any day of the week.  Yes I have been known to whine.  Like I said I am not perfect. And I DID post a lot about Philip.  I rarely post about his issues anymore except at camp.  I have said this too many times before.  But Philip’s problems are my issues and his blessings are my blessings. I am never going to think it is okay for Heidi Diaz to use my son’s medical condition as a way to hurl her anger with me.  I am never going to think it is okay for Singinglass to even mention my son .  She has lied so much about what she has said about Philip.  As much as she claimed to care about her new nephew.  I wonder how she would feel is someone talked so cruel about him?  It is plain cruel.  I also will never stand by and allow Gary to write a blog accusing me of causing my son’s illness.  How dare him even suggest such a gross thing.  And you know what else?  I resent those who think it is me whining when I bitch about it.  Cause most of you would be as livid as I am. So what does all this mean?  This means my blog is my blog.  If you do not want to hear what I have to say…then do not read it.  I am going to re focus  my fight to close down KK.  I am going to show just how low and sick Heidi Diaz , Singinglass, Gary and a few others are. I am going to dig up everything I can to help with the lawsuit.

I feel like I have grown so much these past few months.  I have taken time to reflect why certain people feel the way they do about me.  While some have  been painful to hear/ read.  I think everyone has a right to their feelings and opinions.  And I have grown and made some changes based on these opinions.  Some of these things I needed to hear…others I did not.  LOL. Postive chnage is not always easy but always needed.

 I am going to stop worrying about who likes me and does not like me.  I am not even sure I like myself too much lately.  But I am working on that also.