AmyB: Food For Thought

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of AmyB WOE

Life Has It’s Way May 13, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 11:09 pm

I have been doing so much thinking this week.  I have felt really frustrated and hurt this week.  I have had a mixture of feeling attacked and wanting to attack.  Is this who I want to be?  NO.  I have always felt like I am a good person.  I would never want to hurt anyone on purpose.  And yet if a person were to read about Amy B on the INTERNET …they might just get a different idea about who I am.

I never wanted to get involved in the whole KK issues.  I only wanted to lose weight.  Yes you heard those words from me.  At the time I only wanted to lose weight.  I also thought if I lost the weight..everything would be perfect.  Guess what…I set myself up for emotional failure. I placed too much value on the number on the scale.  I was willing to lose the weight and work on the other later.  Guess what..the later is here.  NOW.

Do I hate Heidi Diaz?  NO.  Not at all.  But I ask myself..if it is not hate then what is it?:  I guess you would call it ….maybe hurt.  I feel hurt by Heidi.  I believed her.  I thought she was the answer .  And then I felt like she abandoned me.  There I said it.  I thought Heidi was like us.  I thought she was the real deal. Now the truth is here with me every morning as I step on the dreaded scale..It is my battle.  I am  alone in this fight to health and being fit and thin.  And lately I feel like there are some people who want me to fail. 

Maybe I come across as weak.  And some days I feel worn down.  But I guess I would rather be weak and FEEL then hardened and NUMB.

So this week I have been listening to a wonderful CD and every time I hear these words ..it reminds me of all of US.  I wanted to share them with all of you.  We are going to all be stronger after this.  It is called life.

Words from Sister CD

These broken hearts will need some time

One day we will wake up and find

That life is hard, and pain is real

But the strongest hearts are not made of steel

They’re made of tenderness and trust

Sometimes life has its way with us

And we find it is the heartaches

Struggles and scars

That makes the strongest hearts

 

 

 

 

 

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4 Responses to “Life Has It’s Way”

  1. 2big4mysize Says:

    Great self exploration post Amy. So many folk expect all of lifes problems to evaporate with weight loss and are saddened to discover at goal that they still have money issues family issues love life issues etc.

    It is hard to learn somebody you trusted and held on a pedestal never deserved your trust nor that place. Some folk wrongly think learning that makes them look bad or stupid as a person for not knowing better. it only makes us look that way if we don’t learn from our mistake and grow.

    Love your song

  2. 1slickchick Says:

    I just love that song… it’s a very powerful song…

    You said that you’d rather be weak and FEEL, than hardened and numb. Well, I think the chorus from this song helps explain the lady I know as AmyB….
    “…strongest heart are not made of steel
    they’re made of tenderness and trust…”

    You are not weak – you have a strong heart – one that is very tender and you trust… and that’s what helps make you — you!

  3. deedlynn22 Says:

    Beautiful song Amy….you were right….it “struck” a chord with Gary and I. Thanks!

    Dee

  4. gran to angels Says:

    Thank you for asking me to read your song words Amy….you are right!


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