It is a new day and I am working on a new way. Yes I can be a poet too. Ha
I went to bed last night frustrated with non other then myself. I had to have a self talk and figure out why I allowed myself to be dragged into a NO WAY TO WIN fight yesterday into the late night. Is this what I wanted my day to be about yesterday…NO. Did I do anything to stop it..HECK NO.
I am not and will NOT back down from the KK issues. I woke up this morning to a very honest PM from LCF and in this PM there were the words that clicked with me…it reminded me of why I feel so strongly about this whole KK drama.
I did not do KK for a week, a month ..I started KK before even the fraud with WW was announced. I sat in threads and wanted to be just like Heidi. I wanted to look like the lady in the red dress. So much so I allowed myself to FOOL myself. I see the pictures that Heidi used and I think I am not as upset with her and I am myself. How in the world did I allow myself to LIE daily that all the anti KK people just wanted to hurt Heidi. Am I one of those people now…maybe…did I join this to hurt Heidi? NO. But I find myself very angry with her daily. When in truth it is myself that I am mad with. I feel like in some ways..I sold my soul to get thin. Was it with it? Well I look in the mirror and some days I see one person and feel like another.
I am not backing down from my issues with KK. I am not going to say that everything I do is handled perfect. I never said I was perfect. I am just one small person in a big fight to make sure the truth comes out and no one else gets hurt or worse.
I have taken more from Heidi and her crew then many of you know….but one day soon…it will all become more clear. I think those who come over and fight her battles for her…are just doing what they think they need to do. Just as I did when I stayed for so long. I seem to recall that I spent some time being asked some hard questions when I was at KK. Now that I am gone..I still have to answer some hard questions.
I have never once spoken about Heidi and her hair or clothes or face or size or anything else. I have spoken about her fraud and her morals. Anyone who knows me..knows I am not a mean spiteful person. I have wanted to get to goal for years…and this year was the year…and yet today I weighed even further away from goal. I placed a pic of myself and Heidi in my blog. I posted about my lack of getting to goal . I never said haha look at me. In fact I said just the opposite. I wanted Heidi to show how far she had come and that it was okay to not be at goal..just to keep working toward it. Is that the whole truth? Umm…no. I also wanted to see a updated picture. There..I said it. I bet many of us want to.
I did not humiliate Heidi. I did not slap her when she was down. I did not call her out and everyone else that has not reached Goal. Once again I can not seem to get to goal. And I find offense that my blog was a slap in everyone’s face that has not reached goal. Plus…today I am beginning to think getting to goal is only half the battle.
I have shaken the hurt and anger off and today I am going to work on my OTHER goal. I am going to work on picking a flower. Because no matter how much I bang my head against the wall..I know some listen and they leave. That is why this is so worth it for ME.