ability to see, after the event, what should have been done.
Wow I bet there are many of us who wish we had more of this. I sure do. I wish I could go back and use this tool in many areas of my life. But reality is such …we do the best we can…make some good choices and some bad ones.
The bad ones ….those are the ones we are reminded of more often. I know for me…I spend so much time wondering if I could of or should of done things different. There are two areas of my life that this is very clear. Philip’s medical issues. My days at Kimkins.
Kimkins ….A place that was suppose to be the miracle fix for me. It was going to make me into the person I THOUGHT I could not be . It was going to fix me. Give me myself back. That person that was lost under layers of fat. It was going to give me hope . It was going to be my miracle. Miracle is such a strong word. Used way too often and not really respected. Miracles are not a everyday happening. And yes I pray daily for a miracle for Philip. So how odd to me to think back and think…I was thinking a web site could offer me a miracle. If miracles were only that easy to find.
In retrospect Kimkins was not all those things. It was a avenue or a tool. It was a reminder that I could do this on my own. The truth is Kimkins did not give me any magical anything. There were no pills. There was no path to finding a life long plan. Shoot…there really was no after you lose the weight plan. There were no Miracle diet. I think most of know..you cut the fat, calories, fat….you lose weight. Now what I did not know is…the effects such a diet can have on a person emotionally, physically and socially.
Now that I have said what Kimkins is not..let me tell you what it was.
It was a place that I forgot how strong I really am. Amy B lost the weight. Not Kimmer. I did not put the food in my mouth. Not kimmer. I would fight back the tears of frustration when all I wanted to do was eat a candy bar while sitting in surgical waiting. Not Kimmer. I was the one figured out what to do when the scale would not move…or on the dreaded days when it moved in the wrong direction. Not Kimmer. When I needed motivation , I would start a thread or a swap etc. Not Kimmer. I could go on and on. But you get the picture. I lost the weight. Not Kimmer. I did the hard work. Not Kimmer. I am responible for going from 223# to 139.3 this morning. Not Kimmer. I am the one who makes it possible to squeeze in a size 6 jeans vs the size 24’s. Not Kimmer.
I do not say all these things to build myself up and put Kimmer down. I am just showing that the hard work, the sacrifices, the battles and the victories are because of what I did and did not do. The truth is Kimmer had little to do with any of it. So with saying this…I have to address what was the hold Kimmer and her group had on me. Be patient…I am still figuring this out and learning. As I do …I plan to share here.
I plan to share here..because I am NOT the only one. For all those ladies who PM’d me and said tell me what to do. Tell me how to be like you. Tell me how does it feel. Here is the answers.
Go in the bathroom. Turn on the light. Open your eyes. Take a GOOD LONG look at you. Do not move your eyes away. Stare at yourself and really think …..Who is in charge of YOU. In this world. WHO is the person that knows you bet. YOU. The answer is YOU. There is not a magical fix. If there was trust me ..everyone would know and be doing it. For example Oprah…she struggles daily. She has more money then we can imagine. IF the Kimkins site was so OMG magical and wonderful and the best way…I think Oprah would have a membership. Of course I know Kimmer says that some starts have done her plan. Ha…yes I believe that . NOT. The reason we as women and people like Oprah struggle so much is..we would rather search for years for some magical fix then do the work it takes. Hard person work.
So for those who asked…look at YOU. I lost my weight because of ME. No weight loss diet or site or person did the hard work. I did. I took some basic tools and some awesome support of ladies on her site and I did the hard work.
Do you know what this means? Here is the BIG OMG news…..If I , Amy B, can do this. So can each one of you who are still there on her board. You can contact me and I will help you BELIEVE that you are going to make it on your own. Away from the drama and the control. Do you know that since I was banned I have gotten back to the 130’s. Many of you know that at Thanksgiving I was 137. On Jan 2 I was 157.4. No matter how hard I tried while at KK I could not get back to the 130’s. I was sure when I got banned I would gain my weight all back. In fact there was a not so supportive PM from my dear Kimmer about wishing I gained my weight back. It did not happen. I am not at Kimmer’s . I am not there in my threads. I have depended myself and guess what…I am lower now then I have been for months while there. See what I am saying? There is no miracle , no special way, no secret…Ok sorry there are many secrets…but none that are helpful for weight loss. YOU and YOU alone are the one who can make it to goal. And when you get there…you can be rid of the baggage that seems to follow way too many banned Kimmer ladies. It is like a nasty film that has to be washed away layer by layer. save yoursef the heartache. Get out and I will hold your hand while on your way out and each day after.
Try my way and see how free and good you can feel. In life things change by the minute. Some for the best, many times not. Sites go down, best friends on threads get busy, forget who we are, have issues they are dealing with, the list goes on and on. Know what is the ONLY thing you really depend on…..YOURSELF. Invest in yourself and find a new way. No it is not easy. I am still finding my way. But I know it is secure unlike the other place.
I got off track today. So let me end with this. Since I titled this Hindsight…let me share one thing I wish I had done different. There are many but here is one to start with.
I was asked to go to NY as a Kimmer success story. I was excited for all of 5 minutes. Then I knew that I would have to sit across from
Christin and Deni. I knew I would have to look at both these ladies and say I did not believe what they were saying. I have the greatest respect for both of them. I could not do that. But also and maybe more important in the big picture. I told Kimmer that I would not be a GOOD person to go because I had medical issues . And if I was asked about my health …it would look bad for kimmer.
I should of gone. I should of told what the issues were. I should of brought my medical records that show my issues and the comments written by the doctors. I would go to the DR , ask for their help. And when they told me what I did not like to hear about my diet. I would get defensive. Looking back now. I should of gone. But I needed to be sitting next to Deni and Christin.
I was not ready. I was not there. I am taking baby steps. But I am depending on ME.
Who knows maybe one day I can sit next them and do what is right.
amyb would be great. Have you heard back from her about going ? Or that husband and wife team might be good people to contact about doing talk show appearances if needed, since they are all either at goal or close…XXX looks amazing as well.Kimmer <email@example.com> wrote:
Hmmm, unsure on AmyB since I’m not sure she’s an actual Kimkins supporter. She has some medical concens that may not help our case.