AmyB: Food For Thought

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of AmyB WOE

Not Being Real February 29, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 1:54 pm
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Sometimes I am not sure who I am. Do you ever have days like that? One minute I feel good about the whole KK thing and then the next I feel loss. I think I wanted something from this blog that was to replace the feeling I got from being in KK. Here comes me being blunt and open. At KK ..people liked me and respected me. It was a nice feeling. Do I miss that? Yes I do. Ok I really do.

Here in my blog I find it hard to know how I am suppose to be. If I am one way then it looks good or bad. If I am another then I am this or that. I am Amy B. I have done good and bad things in the whole time at KK. But one thing I know I did is try to be honest.

So my blog is going to change before it even has really started. I am going to TRY to stop worrying about what people do or do not think. I am going to do something much more important. I am going to reach out to KK ladies. Banned ones and active ones. I can help them while I help me.

A new change also is..if I have a e-mail that I still have the original FULL e-mails with all contact info and dates etc..I will post that with full info. If I only have the “meat” of the e-mails then I will post the parts I have with the time period I think it came from. And I will make it clear that it is not a full e-mail. Many times I would copy and paste e-mails from Heidi to different people. With that being said…I can not always assure that I have the FULL mailing info etc. That will be said upfront. BY trying to be complete where I could not be. I made a mistake . Mistakes need to be addressed up front . Because mistakes lead to questions. Questions lead to mistrust. And my life has been filled with worry and mistrust of Heidi for months. So I have fixed any blog entries that do not follow my new complete or noted rule. This was done on purpose. Not to trick anyone or hide anything.

I never want there to be any reason for me to be doubted or not trusted. To be blunt. I had talked with some people on LCF long before being banned. They can vouch for me way before all of this. They have not because during that time period I wanted privacy. With a blog that is over now.

So no more acting one way or another. Things are hard. I am who I am. And in this world people never can please anyone or everyone.

I think I wanted my blog to be good or great . I joke and laugh and tease. Some days I cry and bitch. I am me. And it is just going to be my blog.

Oh and one more thing…I should know better then say what I am going to post and answer. As a mom of a very sick child. Some days I do not even have time for a shower. That is one nice thing about having this blog. It takes me away from that part of my life.

I am working on my answer to the chicken diet ? It will be posted todat. And yes I just broke my first rule . lol

If anyone has any concerns or questions . E-mail me..amyb1569@cfl.rr.com

 

One Thing I AM NOT February 28, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 8:33 pm
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One thing I am not is weak.  I may feel weak at times.  I may seem weak at times.  But I am not weak.  And I am sure all of this will make me even stronger.  The one thing that stands out in my mind after I hit the publish button is….oh wait there are a few things.  But the main thing is…I sort seem like I am being needy.  The funny thing is…I really do not like when people do that.  In fact when Heidi came back to the group ….she seemed to change.  She was no longer the KNOW IT ALL.  She seemed more real for a short time..like a few minutes.  Ha.  But the one thing that stood out to me is she ACTED needy. And I fell for  it for a day or so.  Then it  just annoyed me.  How could she not know what she should and should not do on HER OWN diet?  How could she really be asking questions about shakes and fast etc.  I thought she was the queen of this.  Then there was the diabetes.  If I read one more post asking some question that my child could answer.  It was a weak try at being needy.  Needy so we would feel for her and help her and FORGET what she had done.  That may of worked for some but not many. So I do not want to come across as that way.  Yes I am hurt.  Yes I am worn down.  Yes I feel embarrassed by how I ALLOWED her to treat me.  But I am not weak and I am not stupid.   So if I came across as needy .  I am sorry.  But for the person who seems to have a certain way about her wording that reminds me of ….well  never mind….but your e-mail with the name calling and the rumors of what people think and are saying.  Take a long look in the mirror.  Yes I have done some things I so wish I could bring back.  But you know I am so blessed.  I have a DH of over 20 years.  I just lost 90 pounds and now can enjoy my role as a mom to my 4 children.  I have never had to even wonder if I had used them for my own bad deeds.  And God has blessed Philip daily.  Speaking of Philip.  Those who pray , please lift Philip up often these next few days.  He is facing another operation next week.  And things with him are not stable right now.

I now am off to get my info gathered for the Big chicken Diet plan info.  Watch for that update.

 

Few more thoughts

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 8:55 am
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I wanted to add a few more thoughts about my “Hard Questions” post before I move on. It was hard to post that last night. I think it made me look weak and desperate. Maybe at that time I was. Maybe the fact she gave me a free membership played a part. Maybe because I SO needed to believe that I could really lose the weight. There are many reasons. But I find this small part of me that THINKS it is because I wanted to like Kimmer ( now known to be Heidi). I wanted to be like her. ( Dear God that thought now makes me cringe). I wanted to be strong and lose the weight and be beautiful . Just like Kimmer pretended she was. Up until the 2/08 banning…even after all the TRUTHS and the MEAN and CRUEL things I have seen her do, directed at me. I think there was a small part of me that liked her. That thought this morning could just be because I am worn down. There are some serious issues going on with my son. So I may not be at my best this week.

One thing Heidi is very good at….she will push you as far as she can and then will send you a PM or a e-mail and play dumb or so nice it makes you want to puke. Or some days it made me want to believe in her.

The idea that in one nasty e-mail she gave me a list of do not do this or else…and two or three days later..she sent a e-mails saying…opps…I had no idea you were banned. And used the pathetic over used excuse that she is not computer savvy and hit the wrong button. Oh Heidi we all know you fondle that ban button daily. It is your control. My mom looked at me when I was crying and upset and said…my gosh it is like a cult. That is a good way to explain my relationship with Heidi.

It is so funny how worried she was about what I said in open post. She knew I had some things going on..My hair…my thryoid…and the VIt D issues. She cared more about me being HUSHED up then she did my medical issues. She even said to NOT mention what my DR said about adding foods back in. So she was well aware I saw a DR. Where was my caring leader.

So yes I begged Heidi. I think I really begged and told her oh please I need Kimkins and maybe I even said her. I bet she loved that. I panicked. I went back. And now I am banned. Goodness it feels good. I feel FREE and lighter then I have in a long time. I may sound bitter. Maybe I am. But this is the story. Would I still be there if she had not banned me? Yes I would. Like I said…I am telling it like it is. Sad but Mad. That should of been the name for my blog…lol

The next question comes from Yust Yucky….

They write.

Would you please explain if you are the Amy B that is a member at the Magic Chicken Diet.

Okay …Let me do some mommy things. Let me pull some e-mails that deal with that. My facts. lol. And today I will answer that question. Anyone interested in that subject?

 

Some answers.

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 1:57 am
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Let’s go back to the orginal question of today. Posted by Prudentia.

One thing I really struggle to understand is why people, knowing all that has been revealed about Heidi Diaz, would continue to support her and/or belong to her website. And you, in particular, Amy, as I’ve seen how rudely she treats you on her fora. Why have you continued to endure her treatment of you?
Great question. And as much as I would love a nice simple answer to this. But there is not one. So here goes the story. And no I am not proud of it.
Back before the WW article came out I had no idea who or what Kimkins was. How things have changed. I had been a Atkins girl and stuck to two Atkins boards. So rarely did I even go out to search the web. I happen to be looking for a recipie one day and the search took me to LCF. I took a minute to look around and saw a Thin lady name Cheryl posted on there and she looked wonderful. So I read a post where she said something about ” so and so ” seems to be following Kimmmer or Kimkins. Well of course I had to know what this Kimkins was. And that is how it all began. I searched Kimkins and there was a whole Kimkins world I had no idea about. How in the world had I missed knowing about this plan. Funny…I never ever thought I would be where I am now…I will never forget the Kimkins now. After searching the Kimkins info I pushed a link and sent a message to the owner. Kimmer. Which I now call Heidi amoung other names. So I wrote to her and told her I was frustarted with Atkins and needed to lose some weight. I also told her I was curious if she would let me divide the payment up. I told her I could send the first payment when I got home from Philip being in the hopsital and then 2 weeks later the second payment. Let me say…that may sound crazy to some. But with 15 brain operations, stroke, ortho and on and on. Me even thinking fo spending money on yet a diet plan…I had to work it out in a plan. So a day or so later…I got a nice e-mail telling me that Kimkins wanted to offer me a free membership to her site. The only thing asked was…please to not tell anyone . I was thrilled. So I logged in and that is how it all started.
So question answered..Yes I had a free membership to Kimkins. Why did she do it? I have no idea. Maybe deep down she has a soft spot. OR maybe more easier to belive…Kimmer needed to feel control over someone. And I made it easy for her most days.
So I joined and all was good. I was a follower. I latched on to some people and stayed in threads with them. The main one was Amy from eating low. She was in the egg thread and I read everything in there. Some days others that were main people there would come in and post. For those who do not know. The Egg White Thread was a very busy and fun thread. I decided I would do EWC and would get ready. I can not count how many times I went to the store to but egg whites ..tons of them. I never ever could eat them. Yuck. But I read and I stayed. I was so excited when the WW post was made. It was exciting . Things seemed perfect for a while and then…..
All Hell Broke lose.
I happen to be away from group for a few weeks. Philip had a brain operation in March 2007 and then a awful brain infection with three back to back operations April 2007. I do not know the excate dates. But during that time period the orginal site went down and so did my orginal journal. While Philip was in the hopsital I tried to explain to Amy AKA Curly that I would jst eat one reag meal a day and that would help me not gain weight while there. No matter how many times she suggested better ideas..I stuck to my plan. And I got 25 pounds stuck back . Darn her being so smart. Ha. So when I was ready to get back on track. I logged back on and started a journal. On 6/16/07 I weighed 192.5. That was the start of the end I think.
I am going to skip over the diet part..and get to the Kimmer hates Amy B part. I bet no one will mind that, huh?
I got banned around Nov 2007. Why? I am not sure. In fact I never know why I seem to be on Heidi’s rador. But I am.
I have a feeling that Kimmer is like a prey. When she sees that someone is feeling weak she swoops in for the kill. I guess that would make her weak. Maybe she needs to do it when people are down to make herself feel in charge and control.
So here is the scoop…..Kimmer wrote me e-mails when I was banned. These e-mails were rude . I have to say when I go back and read them…I feel sick. I did everything but beg her to let me back in. Okay..I even think I begged. There I said it. It is plain crazy how she handled the 2007 banning. The basis of me being allowed in were as followed. I was not allowed to talk about my hair, I was not allowed to mention anything my DR said, I was not allowed adding foods back in..even though I was close to goal and it was time to add back in, I was not allowed to go to lunch with Jimmy Moore OR mention his name OR go to his site. She seem to really have a sore spot for Jimmy Moore. I was not allowed anymore fake niceness. Me???? Fake nice..How could she think that?
Then the most amazing part of this. After taunting me with not re setting my password for days…and answering my e-mails. She sends me a e-mail and says..Oh no …Amy were you banned. I had no idea. I must of hit a button. You know I am so computer NON savy. Yea..sure you are. NOT. Did Kimmer forget I had my e-mail with my list? Did she forget that she said I will let you back in based on this and that. Oh and the most famous line. I gave you a membership…use it the way I say. Ouch.
Original Message —–

From Kimmer
To answer your question, you are banned.
I am done dealing with the issues on the group. I will let you back in group but you will follow what I say.
No more talk about your hair. You have hair so stop talking about it. IT can not be falling out that much.
I do not want any talk about your Dr telling you to add foods back in. That will just make you gain weight . NO talk of vitamins .No medical issues at all.
You do not mention Jimmy Moore on my site. You need to reconsider a lunch meeting. I am very upset that you would consider this after the UTube video he made making fun of Kimkins. Just do not meet him.
Enough of the fake niceness. No one can be that nice. You pop in and out with fake nice post. Stop it. It seems you do this to make me mad.
I gave you a membership, use it wisely. Or Else.
——————————————————————————————–

From Kimmer
Oh I did not know you were banned. How did that happen? I thought you left on your own. I noticed your pictures were gone and I missed seeing them.
I could of hit the wrong button, I am not computer savvy.
I will fix your account now.
————————————————————————————————————————
This is how it all got started.Her control over me. I am still shocked I would allow anyone to ever tell me who I can have lunch with. And the comments about me being fake nice. She deserves a Oscar for that. I look back at that and feel like I am pathetic. What kind of fool was I? She had me where she wanted me. And I went there on my own.

I so thought I needed her. Needed her group . I just let het treat me anyway she wanted and came back. I need some more time to figure out why. I will continue with this topic over next few days.
Please know it is not easy to post these messages. I feel pretty pathetic going back in 2007 after re reading the Can Not Do List.
These types of messages and PM are filled with rants and raves and talk of Brittney Spears Cousin. So watch for those as the days go on.
Tomorrow I will address a qestion from yust yucky…..it could be good So check back.
 

Hard Questions February 27, 2008

Filed under: Kimkins — amyb1569 @ 5:30 pm
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Wow. Yesterday was a crazy day. For some odd reason I got a e-mail box filled with everything from nice to harsh. I guess that is what is expected. I am a big girl and will have to form some tough skin. Until then I will hit the delete key. LOL

The purpose of this blog is to have a place to address my feelings. Good or Bad..they are my feelings. I am sure some will agree and some will not. That is okay. What this journal is NOT is a bashing for the Kimkins diet plan. I do have feelings I plan to share about her plan. These feelings are based on MY personal time spent doing that plan. Until then I will not mention Kimkins diet plan much, good or bad .

So who says the first question is the easy one? Not true today.

My first question that came to my e-mail was from Prudentia.

Amy,

First of all, thank you for opening yourself up to our questions. This must be a very difficult time for you with Philip being so sick. Please know that our prayers are with him, you and your family.
One thing I really struggle to understand is why people, knowing all that has been revealed about Heidi Diaz, would continue to support her and/or belong to her website. And you, in particular, Amy, as I’ve seen how rudely she treats you on her fora. Why have you continued to endure her treatment of you?
I do hope that your blogging experience proves to be beneficial to you in so many ways.
Hugs,
Prudentia

And wow it was a hard one to answer. So I have spent some time thinking on this same question and am going to attempt to answer this. This will not be easy for me…because the truth is. I swallowed my pride when dealing with Heidi on many levels. But I did say ..this was a learning experience for me.

I know some may be anxious to hear the answer to this question. One thing I need to address is I have a child who ill and as all moms know…that comes first. So I have to take care of some issues with Philip and tonight I will post some answers. I will also post some PM’s and private e-mails that make me so angry and feel so stupid.

Check back tonight.

 

My New BLog

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyb1569 @ 5:19 am

I think I should of named it..the good,  the bad and the ugly truth.   See that word TRUTH.  That is what I am going to try to blog about.  But guess what?  That means I have to tell the truth also.  So that means this could be hard for many people, mostly myself.  I have said and done and acted in ways I am not proud of.  I can say I THOUGHT I did it with a good heart.  BUT…does that make it any  more or any less GOOD or BAD  Nah.

So I hope this helps me learn who I am and who I want to be.